Relationships: can someone’s inner critic cause them to put up with abusive behaviour?

By Oliver JR Cooper

If one is used to spending time around people who are abusive, they can come to the conclusion that they are a victim. It is then not that one is playing a part in what is taking place; it is that this is just how their life is.

So, while these people will have control over their own life, there is going to be absolutely nothing that they can do to change their life. Consequently, it is likely to be normal for them to feel totally powerless.

One Experience

This could mean that one is in a relationship with someone who is verbally abusive, and they may even physically abuse them from time to time. Being round someone like this is going to make it more or less impossible for them to feel good about themselves.

But, before they ended up in a relationship with this person, they may have been with a number of other people who treated them in a similar manner. Ergo, this won’t be the first time that they have been with someone who treats them like dirt.

Other Relationships

When it comes to the other people in their life, they could be fairly supportive, or perhaps these people are fairly critical. If some of these people are supportive, they could spend a lot of time asking why them why don’t just leave their partner.

One could agree with these people and say that they want to leave, only to stay with the same person. There is also the chance that some of the people they know are also in relationships that are life-denying.

Another Scenario

Conversely, after having just been in a relationship like this, one may have decided to stay single for a while. They might end up focusing on other areas of their life until they feel ready to find someone else.

Yet, regardless of whether they take a break for a number of months or a number of years, they could still end up in another abusive relationship. Once again, they will have ended up with the type of person who they don’t want to be with.


Before this happened, they will probably have said to themselves that they didn’t want to be with someone like this, and they may even have told the people in their life the same thing, but this won’t have had much of an effect on their life. Somehow, they will have ended up in a relationship with the type of person who they have been trying to avoid.

Nevertheless, although it can seem as though one is simply a bystander in what is taking place, there is likely to be a lot more to it. In order for them to realise this, it will be necessary for them to detach from their mind and for them to reflect on what is taking place within them.

A Mirror

If they were to pay attention to what takes place within them and to monitor their own mind for a little while, they could be in for a shock. What they could soon find is that they rarely talk to themselves in a positive manner.

But, as this is something that they have become accustomed to, it hasn’t been possible for them to notice what is taking place. What is taking place externally is then going to be a reflection of what is taking place internally.

It’s a Match

Therefore, due to how badly they abuse themselves on the inside; it doesn’t stand out when someone abuses them on the outside, or if it does, it still isn’t enough for them to stand their ground or to walk away. No matter how badly another person treats them there is the chance that it won’t be as bad as how they treat themselves.

What this can also mean is that if one was to spend time with someone who treated them well, it might not feel right. It might then only be a matter of time before the relationship would come to an end.

A Negative Attachment

This can show that their identity is based around them being someone who is inherently worthless. As this is how they see themselves, there is going to be no reason for them to resist what their inner critic says to them.

In fact, their inner critic could even be seen as part of who they are, as opposed to being nothing more than a parasite. They may even believe that this is their conscience, even though this is not the case.

Letting Go

Taking this into account, the idea of themselves will need to change for them to be able to experience life differently. No longer seeing themselves as someone who has no value will be one part, another part will be for them to let go of their inner critic.

What this will do is enable them to embrace their inner value and to talk to themselves in a loving and supportive manner. This will allow them to feel good about themselves, putting to an end their willingness to tolerate bad behaviour.


If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, it might be a good idea for them to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.

By Oliver JR Cooper