We are told that there are three things that cause most marital failures: immaturity, irresponsibility and inhumanity. One of the biggest reasons there are so many divorces in America today among Christian young people is because too many single people go mate-hunting instead of God hunting. They are focused on the physical instead of the spiritual. There are too many who are in a marriage for what they can get out of it. In fact, the biggest problem in many marriages is that there are two ticks and no dog. Remember, marriage is not so much finding the right person, it is being the right person. There is only one source of real help in solving these problems, and He is none other than Jesus Christ, the giver of all truth.
In order to rebuild a marriage, four steps are necessary.
First, reaffirm the permanency of your marriage relationship. Jesus said, “What God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.” God never, at any time in the history of the world, desired nor encouraged indiscriminate divorce.
Second, reaffirm the purposes of marriage. To not understand that there are more reasons for living together than for one’s own satisfaction and gratification will cause multitudes of problems. To understand these purposes, according to the Scriptures, will cause one to be content in the relationship, although he or she may not at all times be getting those things that appeal to natural likes and dislikes.
Third, accept the fact that “marriages don’t fail.” If your relationship has suffered, it is because one or both partners have failed to fulfill their own obligations within that relationship. It is not your situation, nor your difficulties, nor your marriage partner, nor any other external factor that will make or break your marriage. It is your response to those things that confront you that will make or break your marriage.
Fourth, you must forgive and get out of the “past tense” and live in the present. One man told me that every time a disagreement came up in their marriage, his wife would get historical. I said to him, “You mean hysterical not historical, don’t you?” He replied, “No, I mean historical because she always brings up something I have done in the past.” Brothers and sisters, no real relationship can be possible unless we practice forgiveness. Forgiveness means giving life again. It means living in the present, not the past. It means treating a person as if the offense had never happened. When God forgives, he forgets. We must do the same.
Is your marriage in trouble? If it is, turn to the only One who can change your marriage; His name is Jesus Christ. I know that what I am saying is true, because He changed mine, and He can do the same for yours. So empty yourself of yourself and start thinking about your spouse. When you do, great things will begin to happen, and you and your spouse will then be able to turn off Doctor Phil because you have been “turned on” to Doctor Jesus.